


one last time

by sunastea



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Heartbreak, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:27:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29130285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunastea/pseuds/sunastea
Summary: tired of being neglected by bokuto, akashi spends the night with a stranger. thinking that this was  the right choice to let go of a relationship that gave him sorrow, it ended up being his biggest regret.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i've been down in the dumps lately, so i decided to feel better by writing this. english is not my first language, so please pardon my grammar mistakes. i hope you enjoy :)

bokuto koutarou, 24, is a professional voleyball player. meaning that his days are full of practice, making him always busy to spend time with akaashi. akaashi didn't mind, he understood bokuto's situation. as long as bokuto loves him, it's fine.

it's been that way ever since the start of their relationship. up until a few months ago. lately, bokuto and akaashi has been arguing often. it all started with one night where bokuto arrived home late on their fifth anniversary with the excuse of practice. to akaashi, pictures of the MSBY drinking at a gathering posted on social media proved otherwise.

that argument was the worst that they've ever had. akaashi expressed his disappointment to a tired bokuto, causing him to snap. "can you stop being so fucking controlling about every single thing i do?" were the words said by bokuto, ending the argument.

from that point onwards, their relationship went downhill. from a relationship full of warmth and trust, it became full of suspicion and distance instead.

tonight was a night where the both of them are supposed to fix things over dinner, discussing their problems without yelling for once. the plan was proposed by bokuto. "let's fix things keiji, i don't want to lose you."

akaashi recalled the words he heard through the phone earlier today. he sat in the fancy restaurant, waiting for bokuto to arrive. he felt full of hope, maybe this tiring relationship could go back to what it used to be.

after tonight, he and bokuto can finally make up and love eachother without problems anymore. the thought made akaashi smiled.

just as he was about to order first since bokuto was running late, his phone rang. the ringtone was bokuto's favourite song, meaning it was bokuto that called. akaashi had a custom ringtone for bokuto while every other contact in his phone had the default ringtone.

"hello, koutarou? where are you?" akaashi asked immediately as he answered the call.

"keiji, i'm sorry." akaashi's heart sank. this wasn't going to be a special night after all. "i have important things to do tonight with the team, a temporary player transferred from italy and-"

"enough. i understand." akaashi cut him off, refusing to hear more. just as bokuto was about to say goodbye, akaashi ended the call abruptly.

akaashi ordered his food as take away, and left the restaurant as soon as it was ready.

as he walked through town, heading towards their house, he struggled to keep his rage. he felt as if he could scream to let the anger out.

how could he? was all that sappy talk on the phone about bokuto wanting to fix their relationship a lie? did it actually mean nothing to bokuto? tears filled up akaashi's eyes. he wanted to slap himself for expecting too much. he was a fool to think that him and bokuto would actually make up.

'i should calm down.' he thought to himself, taking a deep breath. just then, a flashy bar caught his eye. should he go? to akaashi, drinking was the solution to escape the disappointment and sadness that he was feeling.

he entered the bar, ordered a couple of drinks and drowned himself in alcohol. no matter how much glasses he drank, bokuto was still lingering on his mind. he pondered whether he should let this relationship end, since it only made both of them suffer.

"i'll be busy with voleyball, but i promise to make time for you. so please, be my boyfriend!" he remembered bokuto's promise from five years ago when he confessed to akaashi.

akaashi normally smiled when this memory comes to mind, but this time he scoffed.

"promise, my ass." he whispered to himself.

"what ass?" a voice asked from beside him. akaashi turned to see who it was, and it turned out to be a stranger. akaashi ignored their words, and drank his drink silently.

the stranger then stroked akaashi's cheek, making akaashi flinch at the sudden contact.

"relax, handsome. you just seem to have a lot on your mind and i wanted to soothe you." the stranger stated, continuing to travel their hands from his cheek to his shoulder.

'how bold.' akaashi thought. normally akaashi would immediately stop this, but tonight, he felt it comforting. he was at his limit, bokuto's neglection to him has caused him so much anxiety and worry. he just wanted to forget them all.

maybe a stranger's touch and more alcohol could do just that.

* * *

akaashi woke up to an cold atmesphere, warm sunlight against his face. he slowly opened his eyes, looking up at an unfamiliar ceiling. the cold was coming from the air conditioner, and the morning sunlight touched certain corners of the room.

where was he? what happened last night? he panicked internally. he had a terrible headache, probably because of how much he drank last night.

as akaashi turned his body, finding a more comfortable position to lay in, he was greeted with the sight of a stranger sleeping next to him.

fuck.

oh fuck.

in a second, all the memories from last night came back. all the drinking, talking, flirting, kissing, and even worse.

akaashi had cheated.

the guilt sank in. how can he do such a thing to bokuto?

he loved bokuto from the bottom of his heart, he enjoyed every second he spent with bokuto. how could he end up cheating on him? how could he do such a thing to his boyfriend of five years?

'what the fuck.' he repeatedly thought to himself, getting dressed immediately.

he didn't even bother saying goodbye to his one night stand. he left in a hurry, his entire body reeking of alcohol. he prayed to himself that bokuto wasn't home, that he could shower and forget this ever happened.

as he drove back to their apartment, he felt the guilt eating him up. it's true that bokuto had been neglecting him for a year now, "that doesn't mean i should've cheated!" he yelled to himself.

when he arrived to his home, he took a moment to open the front door. he took a deep breath, and assured himself that everything would be okay.

'click' the doorknob opened, and akaashi immediately smelled the tantalizing aroma of freshly cooked bacon. a lump formed in akaashi's throat. he was home. bokuto was home.

akaashi walked to the kitchen, and saw bokuto preparing breakfast. seeing bokuto happily humming a song only added more guilt.

"....!"

bokuto jumped, surprised to see akaashi standing in the hallway infront of the kitchen. "woa, keiji. you surprised me for a second, i didn't hear you come in." he told him.

akaashi couldn't say anything. he stared at bokuto, who was cooking with his usual blue apron on. he realised this was probably the last time he'll see this sight.

"look, keiji. i wanted to apologise for last night. let's eat breakfast first?" bokuto suggested while looking at akaashi with worry in his eyes since akaashi was acting out of the sorts.

akaashi nodded, not saying a word. he sat at the dining table, waiting for bokuto to set the food. as bokuto carried the eggs and bacon, he paused for a moment as he walked closer to akaashi.

akaashi was trying his best to remain calm. he collected all his energy to not give out right then and there. he was cursing himself repeatedly, avoiding to look at bokuto so he wouldn't feel more guilt.

"did you drink last night?" bokuto asked, and that was akaashi's breaking point.

akaashi broke down, falling to the floor. he let out his sobs that he was desperately trying to hold back since he woke up. he cried loudly, hoping to get rid of the immense guilt he felt with his tears. how can he do such a thing to bokuto when bokuto was trying his best for akaashi, yet akaashi went and cheated. he regretted everything he did last night.

bokuto's eyes widened, akaashi rarely broke down like this. he put down the plates he was holding and went to comfort akaashi. he knelt down and wrapped his arms around him, with the thought to give him warmth. "i'm sorry i hurt you this bad.." bokuto whispered loud enough for akaashi to hear. "i'm so, so, sorry, love. i already took time off from practice." he continued, hoping akaashi would feel better hearing it.

but what bokuto did made akaashi feel even worse. he reminded akaashi of how much akaashi had thought ill of bokuto. he thought that bokuto didn't love him anymore, and that he changed for the worst.

it turns out that bokuto was the same old, cheerful and loud bokuto.

_his bokuto._

"everytime we met, i was tired or in a bad mood because i've been overworked with practice. but i had a good sleep last night, and i can properly face you now." bokuto explained softly, his right hand travelling through akaashi's hair. akaashi sobbed even louder.

"it's my fault. i'm so sorry." akaashi said with a sob. he couldn't look up at bokuto. not when he did something so terrible. "what are you saying? it's my fault for neglecting you-"

"i cheated on you last night."

"...!"

akaashi trembled. he couldn't bare to look at bokuto's reaction. there was a brief silence.

the only sound that echoed in the room was akaashi's attempts to hide his sobs.

"are you being serious?" bokuto exclaimed brokenly.

akaashi couldn't respond. bokuto took his arms off akaashi and got up. this was it.

this was the end of their relationship.

akaashi hugged himself, his tears streaming down his face. he was about to lose the love of his life.

"it's a mistake right? why would you even do that, keiji?" bokuto questioned him, his forehead frowning. "moreover, how could you do that to me?" bokuto said, pressing his tone on the 'how'.

"i was upset, because you stood me up." akaashi replied quietly while still on the floor.

"just because i stood you up, doesn't mean that you could cheat on me." bokuto stated flatly. akaashi could hear the anger in bokuto's voice. what he said was true. in fact, it was the exact thought akaashi had while coming here.

"keiji, we've been dating for five fucking years! how can you cheat on me over one small problem?!" bokuto finally snapped, yelling at a shaken up akaashi. "yeah, you're tired of me. and i was even more tired of you, but i didn't fuck a random person!" he continued, his voice getting even louder.

"i didn't even do anything bad for you to cheat on me!"

"didn't do anything bad? koutarou, you stood me up! and not just once, hundreds of time! you've been treating me like some kind of pet you can leave and come back to for almost a year!" akaashi yelled back, the anger from last night slowly arising. "you lied to me numerous times, saying you had practice when in reality you went out with the team!" he added. how can bokuto act like he did nothing wrong this whole time? his lying attitude was the reason akaashi got tired in the first place.

"yes, i cheated on you. but don't act like you've done nothing wrong either!" akaashi stood up, turning towards bokuto. he was about to burst out more until he saw bokuto's face.

the face of complete heartbreak. you could see the tears building up in his eyes.

and little did akaashi know, he had the exact same face as well.

they stared at each other for a long minute, both of them preparing themselves for what's going to happen.

"it'll be better if we break up." akaashi muttered as he broke eye contact with bokuto.

"keiji, no. we've been together for five years, we can't just throw that all away." bokuto said as he reached out to grab akaashi's hand, only to receive a glare from akaashi. bokuto's heart shattered. was he really leaving him?

akaashi was thinking the same thing, was this decision the right one? it must be, right? they both changed, and the sparks they used to have are gone.

"koutarou-" akaashi said but stopped as he saw bokuto break down.

oh, if only they could travel in time to when they were both in high school. akaashi would've hugged and reassure bokuto, maybe he'll plant a kiss on his forehead too. after that bokuto would wipe his tears and smile brightly at akaashi. "what would i do without you keiji?" was what he would say after feeling better after a good cry.

but those times were gone, and what's left were two lovers, who grew tired of each other.

"it's for the best. you won't worry so much and can focus on practice while i won't feel lonely or anxious anymore." akaashi tried to sound reasonable, but that couldn't stop bokuto from sobbing. with all his courage, akaashi pulled his hand away from bokuto's.

his heart was aching, but this will be for the better.

akaashi left the kitchen to pack his stuff, leaving a weeping bokuto kneeling on the floor.

and just like that, their five year relationship ended.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> certain parts of this chapter was inspired by ariana grande's song **one last time** and keshi's **less of you.** i recommend listening to both of the songs' lyrics to get better understanding of this chapter since it describes their situation perfectly :)

it's been six months since akaashi and bokuto's breakup, and they haven't contacted each other ever since. the apartment they had share together was bought by bokuto, so it was only natural for akaashi to leave. akaashi had found a new and cheaper apartment near his workplace. the area was quiet, which made it perfect for him to concentrate on his work.

sometimes he felt as if the area was a bit too quiet, but in reality it was him that wasn't used to quietness.

at first akaashi felt relieved to break up from bokuto, he felt as if he had no worries at all. of course he felt guilty for leaving bokuto in a heartbroken state, but he tried his best to not think about that. his own feelings matter more, right?

that's what he believed. but as weeks passed, he slowly started to realise how much he was used to having bokuto around. he would wake up ready to eat bokuto's homemade breakfast, only to be reminded that bokuto wasn't part of his life anymore. he was used to smelling freshly grilled bacon, but now he had to smell the scent of lavender.

it was his favourite scent, so why did he feel so unhappy?

akaashi tried to ignore those thoughts. he tried to block out the feeling of missing bokuto's presence. but after months, it would stop working.

he came to the fact that he missed bokuto. every single thing.

how bokuto would caress his cheek every morning after waking him up gently, how he would pull akaashi from working and force him to dance to their favourite song in the living room, the way he always knew how to comfort akaashi when he was stressed with work, his weird tendencies at night to get meat, and much, much more.

but what akaashi missed the most was bokuto’s touch. oh how much akaashi missed having bokuto’s arms around him. 

akaashi thought that he had fallen out of love with bokuto, considering how happy he was when they finally broke up because of how toxic they were.

akaashi had thought wrong. _he was still in love with him._

he didn’t know what to do. his heart told him to go back to bokuto and beg him to love akaashi once more. but how could he do that? akaashi was the one who was at fault, and he was the one who suggested they break up. he can’t go back shamelessly to bokuto after doing that. bokuto probably had already forgotten all about akaashi. it was just a guess, but it’s likely.

akaashi decided to live his daily life with heartache. even doing that was hard. it felt like he was being haunted. everywhere he went, he was reminded of the times he had with bokuto. to a time where they brought each other happiness.

if the universe was kind enough to grant akaashi a wish, he’d wish to have bokuto in his arms again.

* * *

it was a brand new day, and akaashi woke up a bit late. he had stayed up late last night editing magazines. the work was due tomorrow, and akaashi felt relieved to finish it early. thankfully he can have a day off today.

he glanced at the clock, _4PM._ he must’ve slept really late last night. he prepared himself to go down and get breakfast. 

buying breakfast from the convenience store downstairs has been his routine ever since he first moved there. although it wasn’t as good as bokuto’s homemade eggs and bacon, akaashi was content.

as he strolled through the streets, his breakfast in hand, he admired the scenery that the area offered. him having days off like this were rare, so he planned to enjoy it to the fullest. 

a poster plastered on a DVD rent shop’s window caught his eye.

it was a poster of an upcoming movie, _Jumanji: The Next Level_

bokuto’s favourite movie.

akaashi’s happy mood was ruined by the feeling of heart ache. a bitter reminder that the person he loved, the person he longed for but also left, isn’t a part of his life.

that was what akaashi hated about going outside. it didn’t matter where, there will always be something to remind him of bokuto. staying at home didn’t help either, since all akaashi would do then was compare to his apartment to his old one that he shared with bokuto.

* * *

maybe akaashi shouldn’t have come here. maybe he should’ve fought the urge like he always did so well before. but his legs brought him here by themselves this time, so it was inevitable.

akaashi was standing in front of bokuto’s apartment building. it used to be his home, _their home._

the familiar ambience of the noisy area brought comfort to akaashi. he remembered all the moments he spent year within the last five years. if only he could relive them once again.

but there was a sharp pain in his chest. it was the realization that he this wasn’t his home anymore, he wasn’t a resident anymore.

he was merely an outsider.

tears prickled in his eye. he was such a fool to take everything he had for granted. it made it even worse that they weren’t taken away from him, but he left them willingly.

he would sacrifice everything to turn back time and change everything. he didn’t know that the fresh feeling after leaving this place and bokuto would turn into misery. 

tears started falling down his cheeks, his plan for a happy day off was ruined. he sat down on a nearby bench, feeling the cold night air around him. he held his head in his hands, wishing for the pain to stop.

“...keiji?”

he felt as if his heart stopped. he knew that voice from anywhere. it was the voice he hadn’t heard in six months, a voice that he yearned for so badly.

he lifted his head slowly, his eyes capturing the sight of bokuto standing infront of him. he smelt faintly like vanilla bean, mixed with a breezy lavender scent. like it always did.

he smelled like home.

* * *

akaashi sat on the sofa, taking in the situation that was happening. bokuto was preparing him tea. the bokuto that he longed for these past six months without him, the bokuto that he’s been thinking of so much. there was also a dog trying to befriend him.

“when did you get him?” akaashi asked while petting it.

“around four months ago, i found him at a local shelter.”

“i see. what’s his name?”

“....”

there was a pause. maybe bokuto didn’t want to get all friendly and that’s why he’s so hesitant about telling him his dog’s name. akaashi was about to reassure him that he didn’t need to tell him, but bokuto spoke up first.

“keiji, his name is keiji.”

“koutarou...” akaashi’s voice trailed.

before akaashi could say more, bokuto turned to face him

“why are you here keiji?”

akaashi was at a lost for words. what should he say? should he just admit how much he missed bokuto and that he regretted every single thing he did?

screw it.

bokuto was in front of him, akaashi was faced with what he wanted. this was his chance to finally let his feelings known.

“i miss you, koutarou. i really do.” he said with tears in his eyes, his voice breaking. “i regret everything i did, and i regret leaving you.”

“can we please, fix everything?” he asked, his voice trembling.

“keiji, we can’t.”

“please, just one more chance. i’ve been in misery without you for months.”

seeing the pain in akaashi’s eyes hurt bokuto. if he could, bokuto would accept him right now. but he knew that would only bring more unhappiness.

“you should go home.” bokuto stated clearly, trying to keep his composure and not hug akaashi right there and then.

“please, koutarou!” akaashi coughed out a sob, getting up. “you can’t let me live like this. i’m in so much pain. i live life everyday wanting you back, it hurts!”

bokuto gave no response, his back still turned towards akaashi. 

akaashi grabbed bokuto’s arm, forcing them to face each other. their lips met each other’s, the distance between them closing.

bokuto could deny his love for akaashi as much as he wanted, but he can’t hide it. almost as if it was an instinct, he kissed him back. it was clear that they both wanted each other. the only difference was one thought it would be a bad idea and the other thought otherwise.

their bodies melted together, as if it was meant to be. akaashi’s right hand held bokuto’s cheek and the other played with his hair. he missed this feeling _so, so much._

bokuto’s hand slipped underneath akaashi’s shirt, exploring his body. they both knew where this was about to go.

it wasn’t the touch that akaashi wanted, but he’ll accept it anyways.

* * *

akaashi felt the cold air coming from the air conditioner hit his face, his half naked body under the dark blue comforter that he used to use everyday. he opened his eyes, immediately seeing bokuto sleeping in his arms. his eyes softened, it felt like his life is finally back on track.

he admired bokuto sleeping, taking in the sight after he hadn’t seen it in so long. bokuto’s eyes slowly fluttered open, looking at akaashi.

“is this a dream?” he muttered, half asleep causing akaashi to chuckle. if only this moment could last forever.

a few minutes later, akaashi started preparing pancakes for breakfast in the kitchen, feeling happier than ever. it’s like old times, when he and bokuto were still together. 

after what happened last night, it might’ve mean that him and bokuto were back to normal. he didn’t want to hope for too much though, since there was more touching than talking last night. 

he heard bokuto walk in just as the pancakes were ready. he looked up at him and gave him a smile. a groggy bokuto responded with a sleepy nod.

 _‘cute’_ akaashi thought to himself.

“my head hurts like hell, can you get me some hangover pills?” bokuto requested, his head resting on the kitchen counter. 

akaashi did as he asked, bringing him the pills along with the pancakes. “did you drink last night?” 

“i did.” 

“i see.” akaashi responded, going back to the sink to get some water for bokuto.

“keiji, did we do _it_ last night?”

 _ah, he didn’t remember._ “yes, we did.”

“i’m sorry.”

“there’s nothing to be sorry for. i initiated it first.”

“i didn’t mean to do it back. i was drunk and caught up in the moment.”

akaashi felt his heart sank, he turned to look at bokuto, who was now sitting straight with a serious look on his face.

“i didn’t mean it, keiji.” he repeated his words.

“but, koutarou-”

“i don’t want us to be together again. it’s only going to be toxic, just like you implied.”

akaashi swallowed the lump in his throat. he knew the words said by his pat self would come back and smack him in the face right now? “no, i’ll fix myself for you! please!” 

“it won’t work, keiji. we tried fixing ourselves before remember? it never worked.”

“but-”

“we can’t.”

the argument ended, silence following both of them. akaashi tried his best to hold back his tears, his fists clenching. meanwhile bokuto’s heart was shattering.

bokuto knew it was the right thing to do, to reject akaashi and cut their ties once for all. if they stayed together, only anguish would reside in both of them. bokuto’s easygoing personality will make akaashi anxious, while akaashi’s nature to control bokuto will tire him out.

it simply wouldn’t work out.

akaashi grabbed his hand, now on his knees with tears streaming down his cheeks. “don’t leave me. you can’t.” it broke bokuto to see how miserable akaashi looked.

“let’s at least see each other when we need to, koutarou.” he begged.

he sighed. how can he refuse akaashi who looked so helpess? the akaashi that he loves so much, begging on his knees begging bokuto to not leave him.

“...alright.”

* * *

“are you an idiot?” atsumu asked angrily to a sulking bokuto.

“oh come on, don’t be so harsh on him atsumu.” hinata told him, his eyebrows frowning.

“bokuto, he literally cheated on you! why would you go back to him?” atsumu continued, ignoring the redhead’s words.

“yes... but i couldn’t refuse him. he looked so sad.” bokuto responded with a sad tone, making atsumu’s facial expression soften. “it was my fault he cheated. i neglected him for too long.”

“no, you’re wrong about that.” sakusa, who stayed silent since the start of the conversation spoke up. “it’s true that you neglected him, but it’s still wrong of him to cheat.”

“he should’ve been more understanding about your work. yeah, it looks like we’re partying, but we were building connections by going to social events. he could have thought that through.” atsumu added, trying to make bokuto better.

“enough, guys. i’m still at fault. akaashi has anxiety, and instead of reassuring him about what i was doing, i lied to him instead.” bokuto countered, pouring himself a drink while his teammates looked at him sadly.

“fine, take all the blame. enjoy being with your toxic boyfriend.” atsumu replied, fed up of bokuto’s self blaming habit.

“oh, no. we didn’t get back together.” 

“huh? then what are you guys right now?”

“we agreed on meeting up with each other when we need to.” bokuto stated, recalling the incident two nights ago. his teammates glaced at each other worriedly.

“fuck buddies?” hinata broke the silence.

bokuto coughed, causing sakusa to rub his back. “what? no! we’re not like that.” bokuto denied, feeling mortified.

“you meet when you need each other, and have sex. that’s fuck buddies to me.” atsumu explained as bokuto got even more embarrased. “just because i meet up with him, doesn’t mean it’s necessary for us to have sex.”

“don’t deny it, bokuto. both of you avoid talking about the problems that’s present. if you both won’t comfort each other using words, then what other way is there other than sex?” sakusa stated firmly, making bokuto lose his motivation to argue back. nobody could beat the words of sakusa.

“now that this problem is settled, let’s talk about our plan to visit one of the kindergartens in miyagi prefecture. your friend is one of the teachers there right, hinata?” 

“ah, yeah. his name is sugawara. i’m not sure if you guys remember him, but he was one of the setters in our voleyball club.” hinata answered, and both him and atsumu discussed further about their plans.

bokuto had no urge to join in their conversation, his mind wandering to akaashi. he felt sakusa tap his shoulder, so he turned to face him.

“it’s better if you end things immediately with akaashi. friends with benefits don’t work out for long. you’ll only get hurt in the end.” sakusa told him.

bokuto nodded, grateful for sakusa’s advise.

but bokuto knew deep inside that he wasn’t going to listen.

* * *

two months has passed, and what atsumu said was true. bokuto and akaashi ended up being friends with benefits.

most of the time, akaashi would call bokuto begging him to come over. he would express how much he missed bokuto, his voice sore as if he just finished crying. and every single time, bokuto would comply. he’d immediately going to akaashi’s place to soothe him with his touch.

the both of them still loved each other. although they wanted things to go back to normal,. they had no intentions to fix their issues. even talking to each other was hard for them, considering how much hurt they’ve both been through. that’s why sex was their outlet, it gave both of them comfort and satisfaction after not seeing each other in a while.

if bokuto’s teammates found out about this, they would be mad at him for acting like such a fool. of course atsumu would be the most angriest. they would tell him how akaashi is using him, and that he didn’t deserve to be treated like that by someone who cheated on him.

the thing is, his teammates didn’t know akaashi the way he did. they didn’t grow up with akaashi since highschool, and they definitely didn’t know how pleasant being with akaashi was. simply being in akaashi’s presence brought comfort to bokuto, and that was all that mattered.

[Hello?] _2:03 AM_  
[Are you awake right now?] _2:03 AM_  
[I just need to hear the sound of you.] _2:04 AM_

bokuto stared at his phone screen that displayed akaashi’s text messages. _sent three minutes ago._ thank god he woke up. he called akaashi straight away without hesitation. “keiji?” he called out as soon as he picked up.

“koutarou.” akaashi spoke, his voice hoarse.

“what’s wrong?”

“please calm me down. i know it’s selfish but, you’re the only thing that’s ever made sense to me.” bokuto could hear his voice cracking as if he was trying to hold back his tears.

“keiji, love. please tell me what’s wrong.”

“i have a meeting with my boss tomorrow, he suddenly arranged to have one with me. oh my god, koutarou. what if he fires me? what am i going to do? i can’t even sleep.”

“don’t cry, i’m on my way.” after he said that, he heard akaashi take a deep breath on the other end.

“thank you.”

when bokuto arrived, akaashi immediately broke down in his arms. bokuto had to reassure him that everything would be alright. he ended up soothing him to sleep, wrapping akaashi in his arms while he drifted off into slumber.

these type of nights where they wouldn’t make love always made bokuto realised just how much akaashi relied on him, which made it harder to leave him. bokuto loved akaashi with all his heart. he couldn’t leave him alone if things like this were going to happen. who would calm akaashi down? who’s going to be there for him?

leaving akaashi would give bokuto immense guilt, and he didn’t want that. he’ll be sure to let akaashi go someday.

but definitely not now.

* * *

bokuto doesn’t stay for long, and he’s gone in the morning.

[I got promoted.] _1:23 PM_  
[Thank you for being with me last night.] _1:25 PM_

bokuto smiled at the message, replying a congratulations to akaashi. it seemed like they both worried for nothing.

today was the day that the MSBY was supposed to visit hinata’s friend’s kindergarten in the prupose of charity work. he was sitting in a loungue with his teammates, waiting for someone to prep them on their visit today.

he heard the door open, revealing a kind looking man with light grey hair. he had a mole under his left eye, and the button up shirt followed by a tie implied that he was a teacher.

“hi everyone, sorry i’m a bit late.” he apologised, papers in hand.

“suga!” hinata exclaimed happily, rushing in for a hug. sugawara hugged him back, smiling softly. “how have you been?”

“i’ve been great! these are my teammates, atsumu, sakusa and bokuto.”

“nice to meet you all. let’s see our activites for today shall we?”

something about him caught bokuto’s eye. maybe it was his calm and friendly demeanor, reminding him of a certain someone.

* * *

akaashi sat on the kitchen counter while his hands rested on bokuto’s shoulder. their lips melted together, drowning out any other thoughts but each other. bokuto stood in between akaashi’s legs, pulling him into an even tighter embrace. it was one of those nights where they both seeked comfort in each other’s bodies. 

bokuto carried akaashi and laid him down, getting on top of him. the loud ambience of the city during the night served as background sound for both of them as they cherished each other’s presence, their hands roaming around each other.

after doing what they had to do, bokuto immediately got cleaned up. leaving a resting akaashi on bed.

“are you in a hurry?” he asked bokuto who was getting dressed.

“yea, i have to meet someone. you can stay the night if you want.”

“oh, who?”

“hinata’s friend, sugawara. i’m not sure if you remember but we played in a match with him once during high school.”

“i’m afraid i don’t. so you’re meeting him with hinata?”

“no, it’ll just be the two of us actually.” upon hearing those words, akaashi’s heart dropped.

there was a brief silence. bokuto didn’t seem to notice akaashi’s uneasiness and proceeded to buckle his belt. “well, i’ll see you later if you stay the night.” 

“okay, i love you.”

bokuto didn’t respond.

bokuto left as akaashi heard the door close. he felt his anxiety rushing. was he about to be replaced? is bokuto going on a date?

over time, their meetings happened more often and akaashi could feel the connection between them drifting away. akaashi chose to ignore it, thinking that it was him being pessimistic, but it seems like he was right.

fear dawned upon him. _universe, i beg you._

_please don’t take bokuto away from me._

little did akaashi know, the universe didn’t plan on listening.

* * *

today marks five months since akaashi and bokuto became friends with benefits. it also marks three weeks since bokuto had been seeing sugawara.

bokuto slowly came to the realisation that he’s taken a liking to sugawara. there was just something about his kind nature and cheerful personality.

the time spent with sugawara were probably the happiest bokuto had felt in a while. sugawara had the ability to make bokuto worry about his problems, and made him feel at ease.

bokuto also started to worry less about akaashi. he didn’t think of him much more, but he would be there when akaashi contacted him.his feelings of love towards akaashi slowly changed to feelings for a mere friend, and bokuto was fully came to terms with it.

he felt guilty. how can he forget about akaashi as soon as someone new waltz into his life? how can he fall for someone else when he was aware that akaashi still love and depend on him? 

“bokuto? are you there?” suga called out, his hand waving infront of bokuto’s face.

bokuto snapped back from his thoughts. “sorry, i was zoning out.”

“it’s fine, i do that sometimes too.” suga replied with a smile.

suga’s smile sent butterflies into bokuto’s stomach. _wow, i haven’t felt this in years._ he thought to himself.

“what were you saying again?”

“ah, i was saying that hinata actually told me something.”

“hm? what is it?”

“that you like me.”

bokuto’s cheeks reddened from embarassment. he thought he could trust hinata. _that snitch!_

“uhhh... about that...” bokuto struggled to find the words, making suga chuckle.

“i like you too, bokuto.” bokuto’s eyes widened at his words. he felt as if his blood was rushing throughout his entire body.

“be my boyfriend, suga.” 

“gladly.”

this new happiness only reminded him of one thing to do. he had to break things off with akaashi.

* * *

akaashi took the food he ordered from him and bokuto’s favourite restaurant. he had bought bokuto’s favourite dish, barbequed meat. 

bokuto said he’d be coming over today. akaashi nervous since bokuto rarely initiated the nights they had first. he didn’t want to think too much. his friend, tsukishima, who he went to university with told him that things would be fine and that bokuto was probably really stressed to the point he had to contact akaashi.

 _click_ the door clicked. bokuto walked in, hands in pocket. he best to look as if nothing was wrong, but his tired eyelids said otherwise.

“keiji, i want to get to the point.” was the first thing he said, and in a second all akaashi’s positive thoughts flooded away. he knew what bokuto wanted to say.

“koutarou, no. don’t say anything.” akaashi begged, refusing to hear what to come next.

“i’m stopping whatever we have for good.” bokuto stated firmly as akaashi felt his world crumble.

“no, no!” akaashi said in dismay, running up to bokuto and holding his hand. he touched bokuto while tears formed in his eyes, hoping that bokuto would be persuaded like he always would.

but he didn’t. not this time.

akaashi scanned bokuto’s face, searching for any sign that bokuto still loved him. _none._ he fell into silence. he hoped that this was a nightmare.

“i’m in love with someone else now, keiji.” bokuto smiled sadly as he looked into akaashi's teary eyes. “he makes me feel safe, like you used to.”

the last sentence hurt. it triggered akaashi’s tears to fall. bokuto’s eyes saddened, feeling guilty because of the pain he was causing to akaashi.

he pulled away from akaashi as he couldn’t bare to look at his face anymore. he headed towards the door, but akaashi grabbed his arm.

“please, koutarou. one more night. just one more night.” akaashi whispered loud enough for bokuto hear. 

“keiji, i’m with someone else now.”

_I know I don’t deserve it,_  
_but stay with me a minute._  
_I swear I’ll make it worth it._

akaashi sobbed, his tears increasing. _“one last time,_ koutarou please.” he said, his voice cracking. 

“keiji, i don’t want to cheat on him.” bokuto said, his eyebrows frowning. it took every single thing in bokuto to not be persuaded, but seeing akaashi like that made him feel so guilty he didn’t know what to do.

“one more time... i promise after that, i’ll let you go.” 

bokuto sighed. “alright.”

* * *

their last night was spent bitterly. bokuto’s guilt collided with akaashi’s agony. while bokuto wanted it to end quickly, akaashi prayed that it would last forever.

akaashi took sight of every thing that happened, forcing himself to remember vividly his last memories with bokuto. it was the last time he’ll get to be near bokuto, to touch him, to love him and to tell him that he loved him.

the night was painful for akaashi, but he reminded himself that it would be more painful if bokuto hadn’t agree to spend a last night with him.

waking up hurt even more to do for akaashi as he had to face the last hours that he had with bokuto. as bokuto slept in his arms, akaashi indulged the sight of bokuto sleeping once and for all. he stroked bokuto’s hair softly, smiling sadly to himself.

bokuto woke up, his long eyelashes fluttering under the warm sunlight as he opened his eyes. akaashi greeted him with a smile, and bokuto struggled to give one back. 

bokuto took akaashi’s arms off himself and got up, searching for his clothes from last night. “you’re leaving already?” akaashi asked him sadly.

“yes, keiji. i can’t stay with you long now that i’m with someone else.” he replied, his tone cold.

akaashi stared at him while his heart broke inside. he was about to lose the love of his life, for a second time.

as bokuto was about to exit akaashi’s bedroom, akaashi ran to him and hugged him from behind. trying desperately to convince him to stay. unfortunately, that won’t work.

“keiji. stop it.” bokuto told him.

“please don’t leave. please. i can’t live without you.” akaashi stated, his eyes getting wet. his body slowly slid down as he fell, completely breaking down.

bokuto watched as the person he used to love so much bawl his eyes out, begging him to stay while miserably clinging on to him.

“i’m sorry keiji. i don’t love you anymore.” bokuto stated as if his there was no gravity in the words he said. akaashi's heart shattered, making him cry even harder. bokuto attempted to give akaashi comfort by patting his head. 

he himself wasn’t sure if he had fallen out of love completely, but what’s done is done.

“maybe in another life, we’d end up together.” were his last words to akaashi, his first love as well as his first experiences to almost everything.

and just like that, bokuto left. the situation was exactly like their breakup from a year ago. except this time it was akaashi that wept on the floor instead of bokuto.

akaashi cried, screaming his lungs out. he lost everything that he lived for, and it was all his fault. it all happened because of him.

_“maybe in another life, we’d end up together.”_

then what was the point in living this one?


	3. Chapter 3

it's been almost a year since bokuto's and akaashi's last night, and even after all that time akaashi's pain didn't lessen. he missed everything about bokuto, and still loved him as if he was the sun and he was the moon.

sometimes akaashi would think back about the time when he and bokuto were in high school. how thrilling it was to play voleyball with him all the way until nationals. he also reminisced about the dates he had with bokuto, and how bokuto's eyes used to shine so brightly whenever he looked at akaashi. bokuto loved him so much, yet akaashi took it all for granted.

the only difference is that akaashi realised how manipulating he had been in the past. if only he could apologise to bokuto for that, but he knew he couldn't. bokuto was happy now, his career soaring high and his relationship with sugawara stayed healthy. akaashi's heart ached everytime he saw bokuto's face plastered on the news, or on advertisements and more. memories of him haunted him wherever he went.if you asked him what his regret was, it would be one.

he never got to tell bokuto how much he loved him for the last time.

and right now, he was walking beside the busy streets while wearing a fancy suit. he chuckled to himself. _i look like a fancy businessman._ he was walking towards his new office building, where he got promoted. life felt at ease during the moment.

as the light turned red, he crossed the streets. _five more minutes until i get there._

_honk, honk!_

akaashi turned towards the direction of the sound, but it was too late. _crash!_ he had been hit. _thank god i was the only one crossing._

the blood gushing out from his head and the immense pain made him realize that his time was up. _no, no! I can't die like this!_ he panicked to himself. _i need to tell bokuto that i love him!_

he stared up at the blue sky, soaked in blood as the people around him rushed over to him. the sound of everything was muffled, the only thing left to hear were his last thoughts.

he chuckled. ah, maybe the universe wanted to ease his pain. he should be thankful. 

he looked around, imagining that one of the people fussing over him was bokuto. he smiled sadly. 

_i'll tell you i love you in your dreams, koutarou._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for spending your time reading my fic :) kudos are appreciated <3


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